Resident Evil 6: Needs a Clever Title Here

Cursory impressions and gestalting from Leon’s scenario:

  • Adjust the brightness until I can barely see the number 6? Oh, you mean the woman fellating a giraffe in the logo? Can’t unsee and I blame Reddit. [shakes fist]

I may fail the inkblot test, but so does the rest of the internet. Stolen from Barry316 at http://forums.computerandvideogames.com/

  • Cavernous and devastated, yet still class-warfare-stokingly luxe interior stages, plenty of the zed word tucked in long shadows and horror movie set pieces. YES, this is actually Resident Evil. (Although I think the other 2 scenarios are meant to be more like conventional shoot-em-ups. ‘Cause we don’t have enough of those.)
  • YES, the co-op AI is not dumber than a bag of hammers. Hey, she actually got a headshot. This Helena broad is all right.
  • They’ve made Leon so grizzled and badass and vaguely Jason from “General Hospital” at this point, but still the glossy haircut from 1991? That’s the same haircut Brett Anderson had for most of the 90s and Edward Furlong had as young John Connor in Terminator 2. (Tangent:  If time travel ever exists, someone should go back in time and cast the also age-appropriate Christian Bale as John Connor and get it right from the start.) Let me put it this way: if a character doesn’t shave, then they don’t condition and flat-iron.

So I guess this is the picture that Leon still gives the stylist at Toni & Guy.

  • A fun subtitle for Leon’s story (spoilers, although if you play Capcom for the story, come on now, and it’s pretty much 5 minutes in anyway) — PRESIDENT Evil. Hee hee.
  • Herbs. Really? With all the arbitrary gameplay updates they’ve decided to go with, including losing the magic item boxes and saving the game with the last 5 typewriter ribbons in the world, we’re still mixing herbs? I’m not saying I don’t like it, but it’s hard to buy still Leon’s making himself all better with ficus-based Goody powders.
  • Quicktime events. Yes, I remember those worked all right in Resident Evil 4, as EVERYTHING worked right in Resident Evil 4. Resident Evil 4 is the game you want to bring home to your mother. But Resident Evil 6 is making me do this kind of a lot. In the first 30 minutes or so of gameplay, I had to mash buttons according to onscreen cues to auto-awesome my way out of trouble almost as often as I had to shoot/stab/kick anything on my own (admittedly spazzy) agency, and that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. I can see a judiciously placed quicktime event in a cinema or boss fight, but anymore than that, I start to wonder if Capcom doesn’t want me playing with their toys.

OK, so I’ve BARELY begun this, and the internet assures me I’m going to be at least disappointed, but so far it’s all right. Granted, my bar for this game started too low to limbo under. After RE:5, all I wanted was to play solo without an idiot AI hoovering my healing items for every hangnail. So far, it meets expectations and I’m having enough fun that my only quibbles are sartorial ones. Pretty. Oodles of post-zombie outbreak atmosphere. And you know it’s nice to be shooting zombies again. I missed that.

 

EDIT: My husband was watching me play tonight. While I/Leon was shooting zombies, he said, in the style of Sonny Corinthos, “What do you want to do, Jason? Start a war?” I love this man. My husband, not Jason/Leon.

I want to post a clip of Jason and Sonny having the “I can’t do anything remotely effectual because then things will happen” argument against behaving like the awful bad nogoodnik mobsters (with hearts of gold) they allegedly are, but I can’t find one. This in spite of them having this argument almost every day for the last 5 years.

 

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